As penance for my lack of posting throughout Cardio, I decided to compile a list of top quotes while I studied. I usually scribble the quotes on my notes, so this was actually a motivation to stop procrastinating and STUDY for the end-of-module that we (at the time of drafting) were to write in less than FIVE DAYS…
”If you give a pregnant woman ACE-Inhibitors, her baby will be born without kidneys.”
(I know he wasn’t trying to be funny, but I thought that was hilarious.)
ADULT BASIC LIFE SUPPORT
So I’m at the resus prac and the lecturer is going on about chest commpressions of 100 per minute. And all I can think is, ‘Excuse me, but how am I supposed to know I’m doing my 30 compressions at 100 per minute?’ After all, I am having visions of my future Emergency Med self failing at a resus. At this point, he turns to his laptop and puts on the Beegees “Stayin’ Alive”. Which is, um, inappropriate in this context considering our patients will be TRYING but FAILING to stay alive.
The lecturer notes our offended expressions and grins, “Thankfully, the Beegees made an appropriate song to assist us to keep rate. This song has a tempo of 100 beats per minute. Now let’s start compressing…” *
MYOCARDIAL ISCHAEMIA AND INFARCTION
“If you don’t find that explanation entirely convincing, you can always go and find a better one.”
“When I look at an angiogram, the easiest way for me to understand it is to picture a G-string.”
“Sudden unexpected death? Do you get unexpected death that’s not sudden? Or sudden death that’s expected? Like, ‘Be warned, he’s about to die suddenly!’ This course is stupid. I think I wanna do Marketing.”
Classmate’s comment on the classes of Acute Coronary Syndrome.
“So infarction would be…?”
“No, ischeamic necrosis.”
“And the difference is?”
ACUTE ARTERIAL OCCLUSION
“There is a Dr being sued right now because he didn’t pick up that despite the fact that pulses were present, the pressure due to the swelling made perfusion to the capillaries impossible. So his patient lost his leg. Why? Because he wasn’t paying attention in his second year cardiology class when he was TOLD about Compartment Syndrome.”
“The radiological appearance of mitral incompetence would consist of a massive heart and pulmonary oedema (alveolar). The pulmonary oedema has an angel-wing appearance on the X-ray. Probably because, if untreated, that’s what the patient will see next.” – Professor Cardio
Professor Cardio shows the class a slide of a specimin with a wide-open aortic valve.
Professor Cardio: Was this photo taken in systole or diastole?
Class: Systole! (Duh.)
Professor Cardio: Erm, actually…post mortem.
“Actually, those guys didn’t come up with the idea of surgical valve replacement. They weren’t even involved in the earliest research. Some woman named Nina Braunwald did. But she was a woman. So no-one cared. No-one cares.”
“So…” says Dr I-Don’t-Really-Enjoy-Lecturing-But-It’s-Pathology-So-Whatever. “This is a sarcomere. I never really understood this so I won’t insult you all by pretending I can explain it. It’s a muscle thing and it’s important.”
CARDIORESPIRATORY CHANGES IN PREGNANCY
“Why improve people’s health when you can make money off of their sex-drive? Or lack thereof.”
Professor Physiology regarding the discovery of Viagra when what they were really trying to create was an antihypertensive drug. (Disturbed.)
Ah yes, Cardio. You have been a jealous, oft entertaining mistress indeed. But now I want my time back. Thank you.
*You see, my future IS in Emergency Med. Why else would the good Lord have seen it fit that MUSIC of all things would be an aid to my perplexity?