Blogging is weird for me.
Don’t get me wrong, I love to write. I almost love writing as much as I love reading and the whole premise of venting your guts out to total strangers holds a certain appeal. But I suck at time management. I can never get myself to sit down for a good thirty minutes and just put my ideas down in a semi-coherent fashion. And so I used to feel like I was wasting my time even trying.
There are drafts, so many drafts, that I just could not be bothered to finish or edit or just press publish. I’ve had so many ‘this would make a great post’ moments this year but almost as soon as I would get online and get two paragraphs down I would lose interest. There was always something else to do, a new song I wanted to listen to, a new book I wanted to finish, a project I wanted to begin. And other things that I can’t even remember, which makes me wonder whether they were even worthwhile.
This past year has been really difficult to account for.
Academically, it wasn’t as taxing as 2nd year (HELLO SEVEN MODULE DEMON). It was more challenging, but in a way that made me think, “Brain? Common sense? I still have these!”. It was stimulating. I loved Psych, I hated Neuro, I tolerated Musculo, I entertained Haem. We started Clinical Rotations. We started getting out there, living what we’d learned. I loved Surgery, Obsterics and Internal Medicine. Paediatrics was cute but boring. Family medicine was interesting, but not my personal favorite. Overall, clinical work was exhilarating–and exhausting.
Socially, 2012 wasn’t as demanding as 2011. I put my foot down (sort of) and decided my res couldn’t force me to join a million and one committees or attend a million and one socials just for Kamerpunte (translation: room points; a system in place to rate who best deserves a single room in the coming year based on how hard they partied, but this is a post for another time…) A very good friend moved, so I wasn’t squeezing in our weekly sleepovers anymore, I cut some really fake people out of my life and just generally tried to stop being everything to everyone. But somehow I was still overextended. I was still wondering where my hours had gone, why I’d said yes to so many things that I wasn’t even remotely passionate about, why I wasn’t getting eight hours of sleep on the average weekend night.
Health-wise it was pretty decent considering I managed to stay out of hospital (as a patient, that is) for the SECOND full year since forever. Which, if you knew how crap my lungs are, you would understand is pretty much a miracle in itself. But I gambled with that miracle, I probably exercised ten days the whole year, ate complete junk whenever we had an assessment on the horizon (read: one week every month) and didn’t bother replacing either of my pumps when they went missing.
Somehow I found myself in December 2012, having accomplished less than half of what I set out to accomplish but with no logical explanation as to why. I didn’t blog much, so I can’t remember what I spent all my free time doing really. I studied, I hung out with friends, I ate, I slept. SURELY there are more hours in a year than what I spent doing those basic things?
So I’ve made a decision.
I think I’m gonna blog more next year. Because it seems I waste my hours whether I’m blogging or not, so I might as well be doing something that has permanent visible results as opposed whatever it is I’ve been doing all of 2012. And maybe this way I’ll realize that I haven’t been doing nothing, but rather that I haven’t been writing it down and so I merely forgot.
Yes. That sounds like a plan.
Sorry I’ve been gone so long. Forgive me? Thanks.